Exposing Our Daughters

Modesty, it means a lot of things to a lot of people, and you can get get 11 opinions of its definition if you ask 10 people. Sometimes the best way to think about it is by determing what isn't modest and go from there. As a husband and father though, I think it is important for me to make sure that I understand what modesty is and why it is important. Some might think this is a "woman's area" but as a man, I have to have a voice otherwise the women in my life are left without an understanding of how modesty does and doesn't affect men. We are either foolish or liars if we think that the way a woman dresses only affects her as a person. That is why two recent blog posts on this subject, although on its "edges," peaked my interest in how they dealt with the subject.

Roccy Grimaldi's Stand on Modesty

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The first post that caught my attention was at the Puck Daddy Blog, which is a Yahoo! Sports blog about hockey. The writer, Greg Wyshynski wrote a pretty harsh indictment of Rocco Grimaldi, a 2nd Round Pick of the Florida Panthers and a Freshman playing for the North Dakota Fighting Sioux. Grimaldi seems to be hockey's version of Tim Tebow. He is a great player, charismatic, and unabashedly Christian. Here is a taste of the Puck Daddy post:

I respect that, in the end, Grimaldi views faith as a way to affect positive change in someone's life and in society, which is a view I imagine places him in the majority in the United States.

What I don't respect, however, are Twitter rants that espouse Puritanical nonsense about how women need to cover themselves lest their feminine curves tempt men.

Rocco wants to know, ladies: Are you honoring God with those jeans that make your butt look great?

Before we go on, we can see a couple flaws in his thinking. He calls this "Puritanical nonsense." He decides as a blogger, that this subject is important enough, a week before the season starts, to write about. Remember, this a player who isn't even playing in the League yet. So, let's look at what nonsense he is talking about. From Grimaldi's Twitter feed (http://twitter.com/RGrimaldi23):

Ladies, you can help us guys out big time. Put your boobs away and everything else that is hanging out. Guys have a hard enough time with...

that temptation without u helping it along. When did being a beautiful girl become dressing with the least amount of clothes on? When did...

what u wear become a competition? Before you dress ask, “Does this outfit honor God, does it honor my body, does it help serve/love my...

brothers? If it’s a no to any of those questions, then u shouldn’t wear that outfit #ThinkBeforeYouDress

This seems pretty straight forward to me. I wonder if Puck Daddy has any daughters and if he wants them wearing jeans that "make their butt look good." As someone that has worked with teens and young adults, the carnage that exists in the minds and souls of young females comes from the fact that they live in a world where guys want and expect that they dress to "make their butt" look good. Here is PD's follow up:

There's a thin line between "ladies are too scantily clad these days" and "God wants you in a potato sack because your brothers can't help themselves," and Rocco ran through it. I mean, to each his own, but in my eyes this entire request veers uncomfortably close to the asinine "she was asking for it/look how she was dressed" denouncement women have had to battle for decades.

Wait? Did PD just pull out the "I am protecting women" card? I can't even unravel the convoluted thinking here. He finishes his social critique with the following:

But his comments about women are the kind of sexist, archaic thoughts that cloud the positive impact of faith. As a (lapsed) Roman Catholic myself, it's a constant struggle: You believe there are aspects of religion that are undoubtedly beneficial, but they're constantly overshadowed by clunky views on sex and gender that repel people and open up the entire community to ridicule.

So in the end, the reason PD doesn't like these views on sexuality is because they "repel" people and are a source for "ridicule"? How is this sexist? Isn't Grimaldi essentially saying: "Women, respect yourself and don't treat your body as an object? And don't tempt men to do the same?" Isn't that in and of itself sexist and archaic? Isn't saying, 'you should wear jeans that make your butt look good' a little... objectifying? It just makes my head hurt.

Look, Wyshynski is a hockey commentator, he isn't used to writing this stuff. He attempts to say that Grimaldi is objectifying women by saying that men should objectify them. There are too many falacies in his piece to disect it all. Needless to say, I think you can see the flaws, and you can also see that Grimaldi is the kind of player we need in pro sports and utilizing Twitter in a beneficial way. All that being said, Wyshynski should probably stick with hockey blogging, but from what I have read in the past he might want to start looking for something else entirely. Grimaldi, he is a stand-up young man and I would be proud to have sons that think like him (and play like him.) I would also be completely tickled to have my daughter describe a man like him as having caught her eye. We need more men like him.

Cheerleading... as a legitimate activity for our daughters?

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The next post about modesty that caught my eye is actually on Faith and Family Live. It was written by Lisa Hendey of CatholicMom.com. She asks the question, "Is Cheerleading a Sport?" What is even more interesting are the questions not asked. Here is an excerpt of her post:

I would imagine that some of my same thoughts from last week hold true—the idea that a little girl should be exploring lots of different activities and also having time for just simple fun. But my sons grew up playing youth football and their teams were often accompanied by pint sized cheerleaders who seemed to be having a blast on the sidelines. I’ve also had the experience of staying at a major hotel in Orlando on consecutive Spring breaks when a cheer competition was in town and witnessed first hand the zeal the girls had for their sport.
I don’t know enough about private cheerleading teams to know the costs associated, but I’m sure there are often expenses related to cheering as there would be in travel soccer or tackle football. If we permit our second graders to dress out, hit full force, and travel to games, should there little sisters be encouraged to cheer competitively along the sideline or the court?

I’d love to hear from any of our moms who are former cheerleaders, to learn what you loved about your sport and what you learned on cheer team. I’d also love the input of moms of cheerleaders—has your daughter benefited from her sport and how have you countered any of the safety risks that seem to be prevalent as stunts and moves become more daring?

What about the questions that instantly pop in my mind: What about your thoughts on the uniform of Cheerleaders? And what about your thoughts on the nature and message of why cheerleaders exist? As a father these were the first things that popped in my head and when I read the post I was pretty shocked that they weren't there. (Similarly there was another post on the topic of Beauty Pageants that didn't ask the question either).

Now, I dont want to blame Hendey for not asking the questions I guess. F&FL try and pose pretty open ended questions thereby letting their readers take the discussion where it will. That being said, for a Catholic site, I don't think the modesty question is out of bounds. We aren't just talking cheerleading in general, we are specifically talking about younger girls.

I personally think the idea of cheerleading is generally pretty scandalous and often borders on immodest activity for our girls. Yes I will consider it a sport, but that being said, I don't think it is one we should have our young girls participate in. Even if there isn't an intrinsically bad nature to the sport, uniforms, or routines, there is too much room for "problems" to crop up. There are plenty of other sports for girls to participate in if we want our girls "active." I am quite familiar with the "culture" of it all, and just don't see how it adds anything positive to our girls lives, that they can't get somewhere else without short skirts and gyrating moves. For instance, I didn't post a picture of young cheerleaders on here because after Google searching it, I felt really uncomfortable looking at the pics trying to find one that was appropriate, they all just seemed very exploitive to me. Again, this is in light of the fact that the beneficial parts of the sport dont outweigh these negatives.
[*UPDATE*]:
After a littler further reflection, and some wise advice, I want to clarify something about cheer. I think there can be an appropriate way to have a cheer team, as it relates to attire, routines, and presentation. I am sure there are Catholic and Christian schools that have found a way to make the cultural and social benefits of it possible, while keeping out the exploitive and immodest features. I grew up playing hockey, so to mean I found cheerleading kind of ironic, that you need a bunch of cute girls to encourage you to cheer for a brutal game like football, maybe this is a perspective thing.


I didn't want this so much to be an indictment of cheerleading as to think about how we "expose" our daughters in the culture. We need to teach modesty as the norm, and not the exception. Everything we do with our children needs to be intentional, it cannot rely on the culture for a default, there are just too many knives to cut. 

Modesty... as something to desire

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As a man, I take it as my duty to let the women in my family know how important modesty is for me as a man. I also take my role as a parent seriously. We need to teach our daughters to be desirable, but not sexy. I don't think either of these posts address that point and that scares me. We can't let things like dress simply exist because it is "normal" in our culture. Yes, cheerleading is a part of sports, but it doesn't have to be.  [This might be somewhat cultural so the question should be asked: If modesty is adhered to, can Cheerleading be a positive part of football?]One could argue that strippers are a part of bachelor parties, but we sure don't want our boys participating in that manner do we?

Therefore, we shouldn't be exposing our daughters in a way where we say it is OK to exploit their looks. It isn't just about the uniforms. In fact, I might even say that with proper modifications, I would be fine with the uniforms, instead what bothers me is what cheerleading portrays. It places our girls front and center and their "looks and movements" become center stage. We can't fool ourselves and say that it is simply an artistic expression, because then we are taking away their personhood from the equation. We have to teach our daughters to dress modestly, to act modestly, and to seek modest activities. Modesty is not the same as removing femininity from a woman; it is a way of acting and dressing that makes women desirable in a way that compliments both form and content. Our women deserve better than arguments for scantily clad clothing, "butt jeans", and cheerleading. We need to teach our daughters the virtue of modesty, and luckily there are women leading this charge. Our daughters deserve this, they are virtuous creatures of beauty, desirability, and love - not sex and lust.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is an important part of our humanity that we are attracted to one another in a physical way. I think that the sexuality and feminine form are works of beauty. Both man and woman were created in God's image, and I think that women got their form from God's "beauty". Yet, exploiting women distorts that form, and turns it from beauty into something else. Like all sin, it isn't pure evil, but a distortion of the good. Satan tempts us not with his designs, but by the abuse and deception of God's. Satan creates nothing, and therefore when I talk of modesty, I am not speaking against preventing against evil things, but against things that have good somewhere locked deep down inside, and are calling to us and enticing us with that hidden goodness. In the end modesty is about walking a difficult road because sex, lust, and immodesty are so easy, which is why we call girls that practice such things by the same vulgar name. We want our daughters called to a married vocation to have men like Grimaldi falling in love with them and not Wyshynski. We want their entire selves being desired, and not their bodies because their "butt looks good" in jeans.

Let us uphold things like beauty. Let us teach modesty to our daughters. Cheerleading and "tight clothing" are not natural inclincations. Yes, they are a part of our culture, but as Catholics we are supposed to be counter-cultural. There is beauty in modesty that preserves a woman as something to be desired not for what she gives, but for what she retains. We should want our daughters to be cherished for their femininity, and that can only happen, when they are viewed as a lady. Modesty allows for beauty to shine through in a way that magnifies not only he physical beauty, but her spiritual beauty as well.

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Types Of Professional Makeup Cases.

If you are interested in keeping or getting your cosmetic better organized, you certainly need a makeup case. In order to get the right kind of makeup case to fit your need you have to look around at the varieties that are displayed. Lets look at the different types of professional makeup cases we have.

There are essentially 3 types of makeup cases that are used by professionals. They are:

* Soft makeup cases
* Aluminum cosmetics cases
* Train cosmetics cases

The first type of case, the soft cosmetic case already indicates from its name that it is made from soft materials. It can easily look like a normal duffel bag. The only difference is the inside which is carefully constructed to hold your cosmetics safely whilst also keeping them organized and easily accessible. You would usually find a removable organizer with a number of dividers and compartments. It is easy to pull out a section when you want to use it and return it after use.

Most people like this type of case because it is handy and easy to use.

After this you have the aluminum case. This kind of case is becoming increasingly well liked by professionals. Being aluminum, you can be sure that it offers a higher level of protection for your cosmetics. You can find these type of makeup cases in sets of different sizes. One of the features that distinguishes this case is that they have locks that help you to ensure that your makeup is safe. You can also be surer of not losing your cosmetics to heat since a lot of them are well insulated.

It was common to find these cases in silver or black. But these days, they now make them in very attractive colors that appeal to women and this has made professionals to love them more.

The final type we would consider is the train case. The train case can be said to be the most accepted. It is also in a box form that can be opened up to display the compartment for easier access to the cosmetics. The cases are mostly finished in aluminum making it also stronger than the average soft case. There are plenty of colors select from in this category.

After looking at these major types of professional makeup cases, you may begin to have a better feel of what you want. perhaps you still are unsure of what you want, you may need tp window shop. Thankfully, you can sit in the comfort of your home and window shop, all you need is to go online and start visiting various sites to see what is on display. Just be sure that this exercise can be exhausting as you would have too many varieties of makeup cases to look through.

Try to be serious about arranging your cosmetics well and keeping them safe. If you spend any reasonable amount of money on your cosmetics then you should take better care of them by getting an adequate makeup case.

Protect your makeup with an aluminum make up cases from Mezzi. Also check out their wide variety of other aluminum carry cases. Quality cases at discount prices.

Makeup Cases - Making Your Choice

As our needs for different things differ, so also would the type of makeup case we need be different from person to person. To get the right makeup case for your needs, you have to know what those needs are.

The type of use a person puts a makeup case to would determine which type of makeup case the person should have. The expert makeup artist would need a different kind of makeup case from the one that a high school girl would need, same also goes for a stay at home mom and the working class lady.

The only type of makeup cases that a man who does makeup for a living would have would be the professional makeup cases. Surely makeup artists do not have only one type of makeup case, they have several. A man in the beauty industry would not necessarily have a makeup case for his own personal makeup, but his female counterpart would surely have makeup cases for work and the one for her personal assortments of products. The man does it for a livelihood.

If you know the class of user you are, you would know the type of makeup case that suits your need. You would averagely need a small makeup case for taking around your lip stick, powder etc. Those things that you need for freshening up. They are sized to fit into handbags. You also need to have another bigger case. The main case is where you keep all your makeup and cosmetics. It is not necessary to take this case around with you. This is the case that is kept at home for your daily beauty regimen, you also to up the case you carry around from it.

If you are about to travel, it may not be convenient to carry along your "mother" makeup case . This might entail that you get an in-between case, one that is not as big as the main case at home but not as small as the one you put in your handbag, one that would hold the right quantity of makeup for the duration of your trip.

All I did was just to let you know that you would need different types of cases for different occasions. Hopefully you can now think of other scenarios and the type of makeup case that would be ideal for it. You can not be caught unawares because you are set even before the occasion arises. You can not afford to lack the right make up case that you can take on a journey .

Apart from size, you would certainly look for other features that make one makeup case better for one thing than another type makeup case. Case in point might be the issue of the protection of your makeup, so you'll go for a makeup case that would do that. After determining what is most important for you in a makeup case, this would help you choose the right on for you. If you notice that an aluminum makeup case offers the best protection, then you would simply focus on choosing from that category.

Whatever you do, be sure to take you time to choose makeup cases that really meet your need and lifestyle.

Protect your makeup with an aluminum make up cases from Mezzi. Also check out their wide variety of other aluminum carry cases. Quality cases at discount prices.

This post is about Chapel Veils

Note:
I wrote this a few days ago, and decided not to post it... it seemed a non sequitur, that is until I watched today's Vortex: Kneel Before God. The following is an unedited version of what I wrote prior to watching the Vortex video.

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Veil, kneeling, tongue - The Reverent Trifecta

This post is about Chapel Veils, Mantillas, prayer scarves, etc... I am a guy, which sort of places me in the, "Who are you to talk about this issue" category, but it for some reason it is something that is always on my heart. For full disclosure, my wife does not "cover" in Church. Which leads me I think to my ultimate conclusion.

You see, I had this witty post all written about how I kneel for the reception of Communion, and how this correlates to women and covering in Church. It was an argument I was trying to make against one of the biggest arguments women, who seemingly feel called or are at least open to the idea,of covering in Church and yet don't, make as to why they don't feel called 'yet' to cover. This reason? They don't want to be labeled, outcast, or looked at as if they are "holier than thou." I was going to use my story of how and why I began to kneel for Communion as an analogy as to why this argument fails on multiple levels. But I have decided that no bit of logic or reason will convince women against this. They are very communal creatures, and if they feel the least bit outcast in their group they won't do something. At least they won't do it until the St. Joan of Arc type of woman that they respect is willing to trailblaze and go against the norm. Then, they just might do something. Nope, this isn't about defeating that argument about how they let what they think others are going to think about them dictate what they do, even if it is in their heart and put there by God.

I am jealous. Don't read that as envy because it isn't envy. Envy, is sorrow at another's good or happiness. This isn't that, I am so happy when I see a woman cover. I wish that I could shout to the Lord in an external way such as that. I wish I could visibly submit to God in a public way. I wish others could look at me, and see exactly what I think of my entry into the House of God and into the Sacredness of prayer. I see priests, monks, sisters, nuns, and brothers and I think: "I wish laity could wear habits." I guess I am a very visual person, and I find beauty in the obedience of appearance. Sure I know that there must be a substance to the form, but as someone that played sports, there is something about the significance of pulling a jersey on over your head that states who you are and who you play for. As the famous line in the movie Miracle relates, Coach Brooks said, "The name on the front is a hell of a lot more important than the name on the back." He is right... what we do for God is a lot more important than that which we do for ourselves.

So you see, I guess it is futile for me to have a discussion about Chapel Veils. I am not a woman and will never cover. Most women won't cover because of their community mindset - what others will think is paramount in their minds. My arguments about thinking about God first, about external symbols of your internal feelings, and the beauty of obedience will fall silent on their ears. All they will hear is: "can you imagine what the 'others' would think or say?" Not only that, but what answer would I have to the contrived arguments they think up to cover up the reality of why they won't consider it? I wouldn't have one, because ultimately those reasons aren't the reason.

Hopefully my wife won't kill me, but when discussing the fact that it shouldn't matter what 'others' think she said, "People at church just don't do it anymore. Well, 99% of the women at church don't. It just isn't something that is done, and it would make me stick out." I didn't say this in reply, but when considering what most Catholics think, I would hope that maybe you would want to stick out. Again though, I am just jealous, and I do take pleasure in seeing them.

Other thoughts on the subject:
Mindy @ The Devout Life

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Natural Family Parenting...

A guilty pleasure of mine is XKCD.com. [NOT ALWAYS G-RATED]

Their most recent comic REALLY hits home as my wife and I are 1 month away from the arrival of our first child. It is also funny because it was titled "Natural Parenting." I added the family... and VOILA! you get Natural Family Parenting... or NFP! Oh the allegorical humor in all of this...

The scary part of this comic is that it might actually be a glimpse into our future.

Please pray for us... a lot!

Sign the Apocalypse is tomorrow...

(h/t: Fr. Longenecker):

I know from a few Gospel's ago that we "know neither day nor the hour" but this might just be a sign that the Apocalypse is tomorrow...

Lesbian BISHOPS!?!?

Sure, they are Swedish Lutherans, but really? This is why Christ got up on the Cross? BTW - The Male Bishop does understand that he is just "in the way" right? [That is a quintuple entendre, maybe more.]

Where have all the Warriors (men) gone...

... hello? Men? .... is anybody out there?


After reading this post: Cheeky Pink Girl: The Dead Silence of Catholic Enrichment Programs I realized that the problem of lack of church attendance and Catholic "programs/groups" isn't anything innate in our Faith. It is due to the fact that men, mostly husbands and fathers just don't attend Mass. [I get it, Sunday is FOOTBALL DAY... guess what I have 3 fantasy teams and live in the AK time zone meaning that when I go to Mass the first games have JUST started, and I don't get home until half time... so what?] As I said earlier, clearly I do not mean to say that ALL men are like this I just mean many... [I don't mean you or me, us die-hard-traditionalist-blog-reading-missal-owning Men, we are anomolies not only by sex but by belief and practice.] I mean the fathers, husbands, and brothers of all the women that fill the pews each week. The men you and I used to be more than likely. The men of the WOMEN reading this post. Let's face it... if you are a male and reading this... you are not the target of this email. Which means that unfortunately the men I am calling probably won't ever read this. 


I have tried to write this post 4 different times, and I didn't know how to properly do it. Obviously, the men I want to call out onto the carpet won't read this much, even if their wife/mother/sister/brother/children etc... give it to them to read. They are too macho for that, too something. It's disgusting. I think the bravest thing a man can do is suck up his pride and present himself as weak, only then can he truly show his strength. I am not claiming I am better or stronger than anyone, I just realized much earlier how important our faith is...


I just don't get why men are afraid of Church. Maybe I do somewhat, I get it, it's long [a whole hour- most men spend more time picking their fantasy football team each week, which will eventually lose - thats what you get for drafting T.O.] and I understand that it can be confusing. Heck, you even have to sing? Forget that. But make your kids go... 'cuz the wife says so. And make sure you complain when your daughter dates a string of losers who are creeps, jerks, perverts and druggies - because it has NOTHING to do with how she views you or the people she associates with. [Especially since she stopped going to Mass at 14 because, "Dad doesn't go" only to start hanging out with "some people from school" who just happen to be 5 years older and have sex more times a week than you floss.] Where did she meet these boys? Oh you know, not at youth group - because she doesn't go, she met them at the mall, on Sunday.


Oh your Son? Yeah, he is on his laptop downloading: porn/illegal software/gangster rap music... because well... it makes him "manly." Plus, he was looking to spend time with you... but you were busy and couldn't find an hour to just sit with him... and contemplate the important things in life. [Too bad there isn't a place we could all go on Sunday and do that?] Marriage? Oh that, yeah he will find some girl and the most important thing will be money or a career. She will be of some Christian religion and he will decide to just get married in that church because, "It's more important to her anyways..." where did he ever learn that? And the cycle continues....


Meanwhile... many Catholic men sit at home without anyone they can relate to. They wish they had more male catholic friends, but there just don't seem to be any at church, at least not ones that jump out and are sociable. [Men aren't always the most outgoing, but... it sure is a lot better going hunting/fishing/etc... with someone else isn't it?] These same men are forbidding their beautiful and caring daughters from dating *your son* because he doesn't go to church or youth group. [Your son will go on to divorce his wife or just end up being miserable, because the job and money only make you happy for so long]. Our daughters know that your son is a good guy deep down, and she just wishes things were different, because she is having a hard time finding a "good guy."


Our sons? Yeah... we tell them to wait until marriage for sex, we tell them to be manly, strong, and courageous but they aren't scoring a lot of points with your daughters. [Being a part of the youth group and knowing how to say the rosary in latin don't impress them since they don't care about those things - too bad the girls wouldn't give them the time of day... because they would find out that our sons also can shoot better than most boys, throw a ball better, shoot a slapshot harder, cook, clean, and even change a diaper].


So you're probably right... not going to Mass isn't that big of a deal. As long as you make the kids go....... for now.

Question: Should lay women or religious women run parishes?

The reason I ask is because that is the situation that my family has found itself in. There are problems in our parish just like there are in any other parish, but some seem specific to the fact that lay people "run" the parishes. Some seem specific to the fact that they are female... but that is more difficult for me to "KNOW" and I have to really on others, specifically other females, to explain why that seems to be the case.

I ask this for two reasons: First, I had a conversation about this with a woman who has been a member of these parishes for quite a while and seems to think it is very problematic. Second, is based on a lot of talk about the Anglican situation, the Rome visitation on American Nun's, and the general liberal dislike for the "Reform of the Reform." Fr. Z has a great post about this general subject:
"The Nun's Story"

So I was just wondering everyone's view. I know it is hard to have this converation in today's "equality minded" society. Trust me, I am married to a very intelligent and strong woman. I also grew up around women who could run things better than most of the men I know. But I also have seen that men and women are very different, in both positive and negative ways and that one gender can do somethings not necessarily better than the other, but in a more efficient or positive way. I wonder if those is one of them? Or is this more of a perspective issue?