(Updated) Saturday: IT is coming...

THE RAPTOR!

***UPDATE***:

I have been informed that the person, some Protestant minister, who has predicted the arrival of the Raptor this Sunday Saturday may be mistaken. Foolish people are trying to disprove him by the use of Scripture. I can tell you most definitely that the Scripture is silent on Velociraptor attacks. (I have checked thoroughly). I guess the guy has billboards up all over the place and people are giving him grief. Let me tell you, anyone who is helping us be more aware of the Raptor the better. If this guy knows when they are going to attack, who are you or me to tell him different. 

Also, Dan from GLACC has some intel that suggests that the Raptors might have acquired Stealth and Camo technology... we might be doomed. 

Thank goodness we know this information! I suggest buying Ammo! .30cal and above, personally I will be relying on my .300wm and .12ga with slugs. 

Did you know May is Velociraptor Awareness Month? 

May is National Velociraptor Awareness Month! The American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention, along with the North American Velociraptor Defense Association and the United Velociraptor Widows Fund, will be providing free velociraptor safety seminars at local Red Cross centers across the nation. Contact your local center for more information.

Also, these Raptors are fierce, which is why I think so many protestant churches are warning us about this impending attack [Link]:

• Velociraptors hunt in packs, and are known to form an equilateral triangle around their prey.
• Velociraptors can accelerate 4 m/s2, with a top speed of 25 m/s on open terrain, 10 m/s while wounded, and 10 m/s in indoor laboratories.
• Velociraptors can open doors, but are slowed by them. They can open an initial door in approximately 5 minutes, and will take half that time for each subsequent door.
• Velociraptors do not know fear.

And a little help from XKCD.com:

And finally, are you "Velociready" for this Saturday? Here is some 1-2-3 help from Velociready:

So, with this knowlege, I hope you can survive this Saturday! I hope to see all most of you this Sunday. Don't become another senseless victim of The Raptor this Saturday, May 21, 2011. So when you read on all these blogs about the Raptor this Saturday, you will be prepared and can scoff at peoples fear adn anxiety. Remember, Blow - Throw - Go, and Buy Ammo!

You're Welcome!

Helpful Links:

• From LarryD: "How long could you survive being chained to a bunk-bed with a Velociraptor?"
• Happy Catholic has a Rapture Raptor Round-Up
• The Anchoress does too... but she didn't link us so you better go tell her that she needs to prepare! (And tell her I said 'Hi!')

P.S. I know that Velociraptors are actually the size of Border Collies or whatever, but please substitute Velociraptor for, Utahraptor or any other Dromaeosaurids

P.P.S. Please comment with any other links to life saving Raptor facts.

P.P.P.S. If you have no idea what I am talking about, or understand why this is funny on a base level or the allegorical level... you can skip to the next post... if there is one....[insert scary dramatic music of your choice]

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EPIC

The Apocalypse - Rvelation: Book 21 (RSV):

1. Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.
2. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband;
3. and I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them;
4. he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away."
5. And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true."
6. And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the fountain of the water of life without payment.
7. He who conquers shall have this heritage, and I will be his God and he shall be my son.
8. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, as for murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and sulphur, which is the second death."

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