Of all the Saints...

Today presents me with one of those contemplative moods. The kind where the second you wake up, you are already in mid thought, and sense in your brain that you have been having an intense meeting with yourself for the better part of the night.

I had an awesome conversation with some very dear friends last night about the nature of our mission as spouses and parents. As Catholics, we need camaraderie with friends who not only share similar virtues and beliefs, but also who share the same perspectives that we may have on life.

I'll be honest, with my beliefs sometimes I feel quite alone. I know there are those that disagree with me that read this blog and could use this nugget of information against me, but I am not worried about such things. You see, my worry is not others and their attacks, my worry is my own sin and my own faults. The devil often worms his way into our hearts and heads through doubt and deception. So I won't let that which I feel is of God to be something I am ashamed or worried. I was thinking of all this when I ran across the post at Dymphna's Road today.

Of all the Saints that I could have come across today:

St. Joan ~ Ora Pro Nobis

While I am no St. Joan, I do feel her solitude. The doubt that she must have had to fight off to cling to that which she believed. The struggles of doing so much for her nation, only to be put to death for it by those entrusted with the faith, in which she believed. 

I guess in the end some of us will be right, and some of us will be wrong. It can't be about intellect, because that isn't just. It can't be just about effort, because that goes back to intellect. Maybe it is a spiritual intellect, our hearts, our souls that wage the daily wars of spirituality against the principalities and powers. I don't know, I just hope that I have the conviction, the love, the determination, the bravery, the humility, and the determination to wage the wars and take heaven by force.

I don't care what people around me say about me, especially regarding my faith. I have even begun to joke that if I am ever put to the stake over my beliefs, such as St. Joan, that I would much like to have a stake made of Cedar because I think the smell would be pleasant. I mean, at that point it would be little consolation but we should take what we can get right? Kind of like St. Lawrence, no use in being all sad and soppy when things get to that point, at least make it memorable? Don't worry though, I don't think I am worthy enough to be a martyr, nor do I think I am important enough that my little, probably blasphemous ideas are important enough to be a threat to anyones sensitivities. 

I do think though, that many of us are so afraid of offending one or two people that we would forsake all of heaven and our eternal souls to be well liked by a few. Isn't that what sin is really all about? If it isn't about private personal self-gratification, it is about looking good to others. St. Joan didn't have that problem, so she was killed. I wonder if she was put to death ultimately because Bishop Cauchon and the rest of the clerics were upset that she was making them look bad. Maybe they just really thought she was crazy. 

†††