Flight Into Egypt: or a vocation reflection for wandering souls

Landscape with the Rest on the Flight into Egypt, Rembrandt, 1647

Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there till I tell you; for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him." And he rose and took the child and his mother by night, and departed to Egypt...   -Matthew 2:13-14

While praying the Chaplet of Seven Sorrows last night the second mystery really stood out. It is probably because of my situation, and less that I feel God is calling me to move to Egypt. Not that I would be opposed to God sending some where, hot, dry, and well Egyptian, but I think that my heart was being spoken to through this mystery in a more allegorical or analogous way. At least I hope.

I guess God could be calling me to Egypt, or well, really anywhere. I just seem to be deaf to that whole sort of thing though, or stupid. You see, 2 years ago my wife and I drove up to Alaska, which isn't really Egypt, because I got a job offer for a one year position after law school. It was a good job, and was a sort of spring-board for jobs in the future, or so it was thought. I haven't really given my, "Why I went to Law School" spiel on here, because well, it is more of a stream of consciousness thing that needs to be explained over a beer, or 5 glasses of whiskey to make any sense. Maybe I shouldn't have made the decision in the same manner? I digress.

I was praying the Chaplet last night for a special intention, as well as it being the feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows. Oh, and I was piggy backing my own intention on there as well - I hope the Blessed Mother doesn't mind the greediness or extra burden, I know I can be a handful, just ask my mom or my wife, better yet stick with my mom, she has had a few years to forget the bad and remember the good. When we came to that second mystery, and I read the words my mind whisked away to what it must have been like. I always hear Catholics saying, "If only God would send a clear and direct message like he used to, I would be willing to make whatever decision he thought was best!" Well, I cry ... (what is a polite word for BS?) FOUL! I don't think that is true at all! Let's say one day, God sent an Angel to you, and that angel said, "Hey, go somewhere really far away, hide and wait til I tell you to come back, READY? GO!" We would say um, no. Or we would doubt it was an angel. Or we would argue over whether the message was sincere. Or we would get distracted and do something else. Should I have been using commas there and not periods? See what I mean.

SUGAR!!!

My point is, even if God sent an angel, a text, an email, a Tweet, or some other form of communication to us about what we should do with our life, we would surely find some way to mess it up. That's just what we do. We take what God gives us, we try and fix it "right out of the package" and we end up breaking it. Look at some of the high profile cases in our faith today where people were given not only a second chance, but a clear sign of God's helping Grace and Salvation and what did they do with it? Look we all can't be St. Francis, or St. Joan, or St. Max, or St. Pio. But we can be saints. It is a decision every day we wake up, it is a commitment, it is a desire to overcome the forces trying to make us not be that way. Again, I digress. My point is that God is always trying to lead us in the right direction but we end up usually running off blazing our own trail about 10ft after he puts us on the right one. We are like an ADHD kid (*I am unofficially diagnosed one myself) that someone gave a 4pack of Red Bull and a super-sized bag of Sour Patch kids to. We need to put down the crank (thats street for drugs... wait, I haven't lived near Detroit in 2 years, what do I know about street, heck I live on an unpaved and unmaintained road in Alaska).

We are called to be people of action!

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Someone told me today that God loves people of action. He is right, in fact, Scott Hahn says the same thing in his introduction in his book, Signs of Life. As Hahn says, "Being Catholic means never having to say we have nothing left to do." He is right. This is true even when things get tough. Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation, like oh say, MINE, and what do you know, we start doubting we made the right decision way back when...which was probably a tuesday. We forget all the amazing things that have happened since that tuesday and focus only on that suck-tastic (again, what is the polite word for that? Can someone put a Thesaurus online. What?) things that have happened, or are happening. I was recently reminded of this when someone else, Dweez from House Unseen, wrote about a similar life situation. She writes:

Sometimes you just have to let go of what you wish were best. For me, that's staying here, in this house, in this town, at this parish for ever and ever and ever, because I love it all so, so, so, so much. I've never been heartbroken by the prospect of moving, but if he gets a job in downtown Lansing, he will NOT be able to commute from here to there for very long. The price of gas. His time away from us. It wouldn't be worth it. So we will probably have to consider moving. I will cry my little broken heart out. And so will my girls. This whole situation has just gone from questionable to super suck-tastic in the span of 48 stressful hours.

She sums it all up with: "So things are hard. But  we are still lucky." She's right, things are hard, but we are all still lucky, or blessed. But the hard part is, getting over the hard. Which gets us back to the point of my post, trying to figure out my vocational call.

A place of safety.

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Photo Link

So here I am in Alaska, this AMAZING PLACE, a place where I could see myself growing old, homeschooling our family, learning about life, love, and most of all God. Sure, it isn't perfect. Some issues with the Parish and Liturgical life, but that could be anywhere. Our Domestic Church is strong, and getting stronger. Our family is growing, and getting stronger. I handle guns on a daily basis and it doesn't require me being in the Army or a Police force. We hunt and gather much of our own food, and we see things that most people only dream of seeing. (Brown Bears, Black Bears, Lynx, Whales, Mountains, Glaciers, spawning Salmon, etc...) So why would I say life is hard? Well, because the bills don't pay themselves. We decided to stay in Alaska, after my one year stint was up, even though I knew we wouldn't financially be able to have me take the Bar Exam right away to get licensed. It didn't mean that all legal job doors were closed, it just limited what I could get. But then again, we liked where we were in Alaska, it was less about the place as a state, and more about the place of where we were living and our friends. I got a campaign job last fall, and the prospect of staying here was bright, but then the prospect of moving to DC (as in city, east coast, not Alaska) came up. We said, "If God wills it, who are we to say no." Well, God didn't will it. The campaign ended, with a whimper and not a bang, and I was left wondering, "OK God, now what?" Trying to keep this long story somewhat manageable a few things out east popped up here and there and I explored them, nothing seemed to be exactly what we needed or wanted. Then something in the "DREAM" category popped up, but by then we had set our hearts on "STAY." We thought that God wanted us here and that it was a test. So we were looking for anything about the job to be wrong as an excuse to stay. And we found it.

Needless to say, other jobs came up and I didn't get them. It was odd, it almost seemed that it was the PERFECT solution and answer to the story of our lives. (Because someone needs to write a script about this.) But alas, they came and went. Nothing. So we did the usual, "So God, what do you want us to do?" We stopped acting almost at all at this point, and if you remember, I said God loves people of action. We are willing to act, as long as the whole situation is nice and tidy. So much for trust, or hope, or faith (I used commas this time). Then another perfect job came up, I interviewed for it, things looked good... and then nothing. This job was literally the PERFECT ending to the saga, and nothing. It was like standing up to bat, bottom of the 9th, down 3, bases loaded, two outs. You just know you're going to get a ball to crush and win in dramatic fashion. The count is 3-0, and I know I am getting a pitch to hit... and then... pick-off throw to first, "OUT!" The game ends... I never get to swing. COULD YOU IMAGINE!?!?  Oh sorry... Um for you non-baseball people... it is the ultimate deflation of your "balloon."

"Why me?" Why not?

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So now, here I sit wondering "Why me?" "When will you help me God?" Heh... we always do that don't we? We wonder why God isn't helping us. Sort of like the Footprints poem. We have the audacity to think that we are in a situation because God put us there rather than, oh I don't know, us putting ourselves there? What about the idea that God, let us get there, but didn't put us there? Of course not! We did everything in our power to... put ourselves in this position!

But fear not! This is the point of my post. (Didn't think I'd get there did you? Hello... is anyone still reading?) While meditating on the Second Sorrow of Mary I realized we must people of Action. That doesn't mean pick my family up and leave Alaska tomorrow. It might not even mean leaving at all. In fact Joseph was called to leave, only to be called back. My point is that we can't throw up our hands in these situations and stop ACTING. We must do what we can, and trust in God. Pray, yes. But also do. When I look at the painting above, I think about all the darkness around them. The uncertainty, the danger, the trepidation they must have felt. Yet, they as a family, hunkered down, believed in God and ACTED! God told Joseph, "Go to Egypt." So he did. Then God said, "Come back." And he did. Joseph didn't say, "But we really like the street we live on in Jerus" (pronounced Ja-roos), which is what I am sure they called Jerusalem back then (I just made that up, and were they even living in Jerusalem at that time?)

Honestly though, we all are called at some point to fly to Egypt. Those times in life where we just jump and listen to the Will of God. Sometimes we hear things that aren't there, but more often than not we ignore the call. The hardest part though, is that when we heed the call but end up getting lost in the desert between here and Egypt. Then what? We get all scared, think we hear voices calling us in each direction, start walking in circle, until we finally just sit down and set up camp. We stop trying. Sure, when you are out in the wilderness the best thing to do sometimes is to STOP MOVING. Rescuers can find people easiest when they don't move to far from the point where they got lost. Unfortunately, no one is coming to save us, which means we are going to have to find our own way out. God is there with us, unfortunately we aren't listening to him. If we were, we wouldn't be lost.

Dare you to move - or stay - or do something!

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So here I am. In Alaska, wondering... what next? But I have to be the one to move. I have to be a person of action. Jobs aren't going to rain down from the sky like manna, trust me, I have looked. They aren't going to come to me, there is almost no chance in the world that I will wake up one day to a voice mail or email which says, "Hey, we need someone to fill a position and what do you know your name came to me in a dream so I am emailing you! Would you like to come work for us, your pay would be $75,000 and you would start with 4 weeks of paid vacation a year!" We'd all like that wouldn't we? But instead, we need to make our flight to Egypt, to fulfill the mission of our life and to make the hard journey. As Dwija says, "So things are had. But we are lucky." She is right, we are lucky to have a God that loves us sooooooo much that he will sometimes call us to Egypt, only to protect us, and then have us return again. 

I have learned a lot in the 2 years that we have been in Alaska so far. I have caught salmon to feed my family, harvested birds, bunnies, and bears. My wife has learned to make everything under the sun... from scratch. We have grown as Catholics, as spouses, and now as parents. I have grown in my vocation as a husband, father, and Catholic thinker. I have grown as a lawyer, a politico, and armchair theologian (I use the word loosely). I know that the adventure has given us things because God is merciful and kind and lets no opportunity slip by without giving us SOMETHING positive to take from it. Yes, things are hard. Yes... I would have never imagined that I would be in this position 2 1/2 years out of law school, especially after I decided to go to a Catholic school in order to live a Blessed life. Yes I am blessed, but the situation is still hard. Being unemployed for this long is tough, and when I look at my experience and credentials, the powers and principalities begin to dig their claws in. I start seeing how unqualified I am for things, as opposed to seeing the things I am qualified for. I start thinking that I am a fraud and that I have painted myself in a corner, and there is no way out but compromise and desperate action. This isn't true. We just have to be people of action. The flight to Egypt wasn't easy. Sure God commanded it, and they could rest assured it was the right thing to do, but that doesn't make it easy. We are on God's time, and His Will. Sometimes we get caught up in the difficulty of the journey and not the beauty of the destination. (Likewise, sometimes a fun journey can mask a dreadful destination). We must cling to our faith, our prayer, and our hope.

Please pray for me, for Dwija, for Dan Lord, and for all the others that are searching for employment and looking for where they are called. Life is a tough journey, it is hard, and we need to be people of action. But we are BLESSED!

St. Joseph, Ora Pro Nobis!

Blessed Mother, Our Lady of Good Counsel, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Michael the Archangel, Defend Us in Battle!

St. Therese, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Pio or Pietreclina, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Maximilian, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Lucy, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Anastasia, Perpetua, Felicity, Ora Pro Nobis!

Blessed Solanus Casey, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Sebastian, Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Joseph the Worker

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