Hard to sleep

So I have been having trouble getting to sleep lately. I try to read to put me to sleep (a skill I acquired during law school - accidentally) but it doesn't work. I get sleepy, but then I just want to read more. So I struggle to stay up to read, but then I just end up cruising the internet. Well you know the old adage that nothing good ever happens after Midnight? Well I find that it is true more often than not. 

I am currently reading a ton of books. The main few I am focusing on are:

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I like reading about the Liturgy, and what and why we do the things we do at Mass. Or better said, why the Mass is the way that it is. I have read a few other books concerning this, and have also studied the Missal, the GIRM, and various books concerning the Rubrics. This is pretty heavy stuff, and generally can make me tired if I read it before bed.

But I mainly try and read The Story of a Soul, on my phone in e-Book format, just before I nod off. Not because it is boring or dull, but I feel as if somehow it will connect me to the spirituality of St. Therese, and that I will be guarded in the night. That somehow my spirituality is affected...while I sleep.

Is that weird? 

It is as if I am prepping my soul for what will happen to it during the night. Not in some weird new-agey sort of way, but as if I can somehow shape my spirituality by feeding it a certain way right before I fall asleep. I don't know, even as I write this I feel odd, as if people are going to judge me more than they already do. There is just something about St. Therese, I get why she was made a Doctor of the Church with her simple little book. I think this goes to my fondness of Religious Women and their devotion to Christ and Church. I think it is a "want what I can't have" sort of thing.

The religious life... not the women. Sheesh!

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