Locked out

The Blessed Sacrament
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My family and I were driving home from Brian [co-blogger] and his family's place tonight and my wife and I got to talking. Right now, life is pretty "up in the air" as we like to say. So the conversation centered around careers, living location, Alaska, Michigan, Washington D.C., vocations, faith, and all sorts of fun things such as those and of course many others. As we approached my wife's parent's place, where we are staying while we are here visiting, I mentioned how prayer, blogging, and my "closeness" with God has suffered as of late because of how hectic and crazy my life has been over the last three months. She suggested that we go to Adoration, as there is a Perpetual Adoration Chapel just blocks from her house, at her childhood parish. We have been many times before, at all hours, and I can recall two vivid instances of "popping in" to hang with Jesus at some quite odd times. But isn't that the luxury and joy of perpetual Adoration?

As we got closer to "temporary home" I inquired as to whether she still wanted to go. The little dinosaur daughter was still asleep, so we risked an all night "play" session by going in to Pray a Rosary. But my wife answered with an emphatic "Yes" and so I pulled in. Now some mine find it odd, that at 12:30am a young family, with child in tow, in 10 degree [ -4938˚ F w/WC - their measuring seems to exaggerate the wind chill a bit in Michigan] weather would be tromping into a chapel simply to Pray a Rosary to "regain their closeness" but being from Alaska, we take authentic Catholicism whenever we can get it. Even if it is at 12:30a on a cold night in Michigan. 

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Locked?
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So, we pull up, pile out, and try and not wake the baby. We walk up to the chapel pull open LOCKED! The door was locked, locked? We sort of looked at one another and thought, "hmmm." The lights were on, it seemed, but we did notice the absence of any cars. We sort of drove around the backside of the building and it seemed plenty, if not too many lights were on, but no one was there. We came of with a whole list of possibilities, this wasn't really that shocking, but more of a 'disappointment.' So, we got back in the car and drove home, which was quick and painless -- our daughter even remained asleep.

When we got inside though, I mentioned how cheated I felt. Deprived almost. I was right there! Right outside the door from Jesus! Why couldn't I just go in?! I recalled in that moment, that as I was driving away, I wished at that moment that the convent still existed across the street. I also wondered that if it did still exist, whether it would have been a sin to tell a small exaggeration to the nun that answered my 'bell ringing' [you know, once I convinced my wife that I was going to ring the bell at midnight to get one of them to let us into the chapel] explaining that, 

'my family had a VERY SERIOUS matter, and if she simply would let us into the chapel, we would hold vigil until the next hour, or at least spend a Holy Hour with the Blessed Sacrament, and then return the chapel to its locked state.'

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What type of delusional, crazy, obsessive/compulsive person am I? Why did I feel so deprived? But I did. I felt cheated. I felt like being locked out of Adoration was the worst thing ever. Sure I had the past two weeks to go. Sure I could have gone any time, but I wanted to go now, I was needing wanting? wanting! needing? wanting! access to the Blessed Sacrament -- NOW! The thing that killed me was that I was denied. LOCKED OUT! Now again, this wasn't life or death, and I sure as much didn't seem to notice, know, or mind what sort of access was available over the last 12 days, but when I wanted it, I thought of how horrible it was that I couldn't have it. 

Is this what Heaven will seem like for those of us that lose access to it upon death? Obviously the feeling and gravity will be ∞ times worse, but in some small part this scared me. I could barely handle the 20 minutes I felt gipped out of, and our chapel is basically a square room, brick, and not much to look at aside from the Blessed Sacrament, so we aren't talking visual splendor, it is simply about the spiritual. It invigorated me in a way I didn't realize. God taught me a great little lesson in this situation. I am sure that the person for this time simply couldn't drive in the horrible ice. It was probably no big cosmic deal, but God sure did teach me a cosmic lesson. What an AMAZING God. Takes the most insignificant event for the world, and makes it one persons universe. What an awesome God that can teach such an important lesson: that if we really want something, we need to act like it -- and not simply once we can't have it. What an extraordinary God that can teach our hearts how to want Him, by locking us out, even for 20 minutes.

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