Today one of those situations happened where you see in your mind the situation occurring in slow motion, but nothing in your power is able to stop it. I don't want to get into specifics, but I think that I was in the wrong and right at various points in the situation - but in the end I don't think anyone really benefitted. It had to do with the faith and it was one of those situations of "winning the argument but losing a soul." That might be a little drastic, but I think you can appreciate the saying.
Sorry.
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I am sorry for the wrongs I did, and it stinks when you argue with friends. What is worse is when you realize that you really don't see eye to eye on some pretty big things. It leaves everyone with a bad taste in their mouth. I also don't know what to do when I get pretty riled up for reasons beyond my control. All of this really is the work of the devil, when he divides us over the faith. Problems are like little weed seeds, that get planted in good fertile soil, and they choke out all the good. They turn good gardens, good flowers, and good vegetables into dead things. You need to pluck these weeds before they can consume the good and beautiful. It is hard saying sorry to friends, because so much is easily forgiven, but the real wrongs cut even deeper. I think that is because there is an expectation that such wrongs should never be committed. It is the hardest thing saying sorry to friends, especially when you think that they were in the wrong too, each person is responsible for their wrongs and you can only control your own. Again, these weeds grow in the midst of goodness, and if left to linger will slowly overtake and strangle out the goodness.being strong means taking more on your shoulders
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It was brought to my attention that I am the sort of person that should be able to just take personal attacks, unjust words, and hurtful actions and ignore them. In the course of the conversation I took that as an attack, but upon further reflection I take it as a compliment. I even think it was intended as a compliment. I dont know, it was a bizarre situation, one I would never imagine happening but I have to learn from it. I think if the things in our life dont change us for the better, especially the difficult and emotional ones... well, then, what is the point really? How others see you is often a better reflection of who you are then how you see yourself. At least in terms of how you really are to others. Sometimes I get into emotional situations and simply emote, and people might not expect that from me. I demand such high expectations from myself and others, I guess that others just expect that to be the case always... I dont know.I think that maybe I need to refocus how I look at my interactions with those around me in my faith life where I live. Things seem very bad... although many don't seem to think so. In reality one of us is right and one of us is wrong. I just pray that we can all come together and find the truth together. Our faith isn't about opinions, it is about truths. Although the saints all took the same road to the truth... they all sought the same thing. I pray that we can all find that truth on whatever path it is that God chooses for us. Ironically, a Saint I identify a lot with, Saint Padre Pio, has his feast day 9 days from now meaning that his Novena begins today. Please say a prayer asking him to pray for me, and for your needs. God is a loving and merciful God, he is also just. I know that I will have to do reparations for my actions today, and I am consoled by the mercy he has promised. I am also hopeful knowing that God will deliver us to glory... for those that do what he commands of us.
"The longer the trial to which God subjects you, the greater the goodness in comforting you during the time of the trial and in the exaltation after the combat." -St. Padre Pio
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